Offensive Defenses

Gotta get this post in under the deadline! I got sidetracked by sending off free copies of Extraordinary to people who gave me emails in return for a free story, and then I got distracted by an email informing me that Controlled Descent made the cut for the Self-E module of Biblioboard’s ebook collection.

That means LIBRARY DISTRIBUTION all over the country. Epic big. So anyway, that distracted me from my planned post, which luckily is a shortie one anyway. To wit, why it’s so easy to offend by being defensive.

I dial back my personal intensity most of the time, because (A) it makes people I like uncomfortable and (B) I don’t enjoy making people uncomfortable. This isn’t the forum to slap me for not “being myself” so let’s leave that behind.  Let’s move onward to the point that’s relevant. That intensity comes out and startles people when I get defensive, because I get harder when I feel weakest.

I don’t take pushing well. Neither physical pushing nor verbal, Definitely not opinions disguised as “suggestions,”  Anything presented in a “you should” format will likely set me off-balance. Even the  “you should try” kind of should is a type of pushing, and they all feel like attacks. Being pushed always makes me dig in my heels and curl my toes and cling tightest to my guns. It leaves me off balance and exposed, and so I tuck in and push back to keep myself from caving and crumbling.

I’m not defending my reaction, as such, but it’s a true reflex for me, and one unlikely to change. It’s also hardly unique. A lot of people push back harder when pushed.  But I need to remember now and again, that when I flare my ruff and growl loudly, it will come as a surprise tho those who only see my camouflaged spots.  It disconcerts the innocent and looks a lot like an attack, especially to those who don’t realize that what they’re doing looks like an attack from my side.

That’s all. No big revelations. No resolution. Just a thought.

Time: 11:00 PM
Tea: Nope. Milk. (Hey, it’s late)
Poured, not steeped. And now just the right temp to drink before bed.