Two random thoughts

…because I am awake at ridiculous o’clock  (thank you, abrupt weather changes, for these fantastic joint aches and this fabulous itch-behind-the-eyes headache-ish thing that cancelled my sleep after only two hours)

AND I’m behind on blogging, so here I am, filling time and space.

Random thing the first: a realization about genderthink

It all started way back when I read Anne Leckie’s Imperial Radch series. It blew my mind in several ways, all excellent and glorious.  The biggest impression it left was the foundational nature of gendering assumptions.  It was HARD wrapping my brain around the default pronoun being she/her. Such a simple concept was far more difficult to process than I anticipated.  WORTH IT, though. Such a good book.

The read cut and polished new facets into my worldview.

Most of my life, when I saw an identifier like, “his cousin,” in a book I was reading, I would assume that cousin was male until given a name or other information that indicated otherwise.  And to be honest, if it was a side character, or a bit player, no such information would ever be offered. So in my mind, all the random NPCs in fiction ended up being male by default.

That doesn’t happen any more. In the last few years my default assumption has changed to female.  I noticed this reading something today where cousins were referenced several times before being gendered. Learning they were boys jarred me right out of the narrative. I had just assumed…a completely opposite assumption than in the past.

A lot of terms do not require or include gender (like cousin, or manager, accountant, neighbor or staffer versus aunt or uncle, ) There’s zero reason to default to a male identity other than cultural expectations. And expectations can change.

I’ve got no conclusion here, it’s just a thing I noticed.

Random idea the second: why isn’t mothering a job?

What would the world be like if we treated mothering as an activity rather than a gender-chained identity?  I fear I’m missing some huge meaningful Spiritual aspect of Motherhood or inadvertently insulting millions by asking that question,  but there it is.

There’s a lot of mystical, magical malarkey associated with being “A MOM” that seems to only apply when the job is done by a FEMALE presenting person. And I don’t think perpetuating those ideas is good or healthy for anyone with a mothering gig.

Maybe I’m missing something here, but mothering is a set of definable actions.**  Mothering is a thing one does. It doesn’t even entirely require a child, although I would submit that is the prime example of it. Strip away the cultural gender baggage, and the whole thing gets much simpler and healthier.

So I’m amusing myself picturing a world where Mother or Mom is a just a job title meaning “person or persons whose social role is primary child nurturer.”  This also creates an opening for Father/Dad to be an action-defined role too. Maybe it becomes the term for the secondary nurturer or nurturers–the one or ones who nurture the primary child nurturer, for example, or contribute to the social unit in other ways.

(I’ll leave details to someone more clever and well-rested than I feel right now.)

This random thought was sparked by reading an article on “stay at home dads” and the different expectations placed on them, and thinking to myself, hang on, how much of this whole problem is the labeling? If their primary job is taking care of the kids, the meals, the wash, the home finances, the scheduling and so on, then they’re doing the mom job, so why aren’t they stay-at-home-moms?

And I suspect the answer is, “That would make too many people feel unmanly.” Which kinda indicates there’s gender-baggage, and that’s why it tickles my imagination to ponder a world where a dude proudly calls himself Mom, and a woman answers to Dad.

ANYway.

Totally random stuff. And that’s all there is, so I’ll wrap it here.  G’night. Or good morning. Whatever.

 

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and here is a random chicken image.

**Yes, any activity or job can also be an identity, but the dangerous nature of tying identity to specific work is a topic for a whole ‘nother post.

 

Five me things in no particular order

Some Twitter list things went around recently (I don’t know what to call a huge cluster of separate retweets-with-comments allowing people to add their takes on a particular theme w/o replying to the original tweet. It isn’t a meme. It isn’t a sub-tweet. I dunno.)

ANYway. The original post started with a New Year’s related appeal for writers to introduce themselves with “5 Things People May Not Know About You.”

I do love a good personal share (WORLD’S SHYEST EXHIBITIONIST HERE, HELLO)  and I loved reading the answers posted by people I follow ( see also: dragon-like data hoarding tendencies) but I didn’t join the fun because:

  1. Interest had died down long before I herded my thoughts into word order, and I am weary of being That Person who awkwardly chimes into a fun song two measures late and off the beat. Same thing happened with another flurry of data posts under the heading “Skills people think I have vs skills I actually have.”
  2. Twitter is ephemeral. If I’m going to the trouble of wordsing, I’d rather chisel them into the walls of this space, which is designed to last a bit longer.  (It isn’t that I imagine my prose is deathless, glorious perfection, just that making & organizing ANY sentences is haaaaard. I like to know they’ll stay where I’ve left them.)

So. Without further ado, more random facts about me you may not know:

  • I didn’t master tying my shoes until I was eight.
  • I can (successfully) bake muffins, breads and several kinds of cookies without consulting recipes or using measuring tools.
  • I first sat cross-legged at the age of fourteen, after lots of exercise to get my hips to loosen up far enough to make it possible.
  • Choosing History or Biology as a college major came down to a literal coin toss.
  • My ability to interpret facial expressions is minimal. Angry, fearful, excited, joyful…all I can say with confidence is “Strong emotion, prolly?” This has made me a highly-motivated student of kinesics & nonverbal communication in general.
  • If I don’t practice whistling daily, I lose all ability within a week & have to re-teach myself from scratch.
  • I can ID a dozen breeds of horse and cow on sight, and far more tropical fish species. Ditto for birds, reptiles, and small mammals.
  • My body is always healing stressed tendons or ligaments somewhere. Always. Evaluating & supporting multiple minor sprains & strains is a daily routine.
  • My favorite color is cobalt blue. But I think everyone knows that one.

Yes, I can count, I know that’s nine, not five, but I was on a roll, so you got them all.  Now I’m feeling self-conscious and figure I’m boring everyone, so I’ll say adieu, and get back to the fiction writing.

Until next time!

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Image by thom kunz from Pixabay

holiday tradition: introvert edition

Christmas & New Year’s at Chez Herkes are pretty simple: our house is an Introvert Haven on both the Eves and the Days.

How does that work? Well. Spouseman works on jigsaw puzzles or Legos or plays video games, I watch movies, play with the train set, put up ornaments (yes, I often wait until Christmas Eve to do the tree)  and putter around the kitchen when I’m not curled up on one of the bean bags with a new book to read or puttering with the book I’m writing at my desk.

AND we’re open to friends dropping by any time after 7PM on the Eves and after 1 PM on the Days.  (Always wise to inquire if we’re on a walk through the neighborhood to admire holiday lights or get fresh air, but other than those excursions, we’re IN.)

Nothing is going on, but company is welcome. That’s it.

There are non-traditional holiday movies on the television in one room all day & night (for several years we did a Bad Movie double feature on NYE, but it got awfully organized and was causing me unfun panic and so it was retired in favor of more Introverting In Company like we already did on Christmas.)

ANYway. There’s usually quiet music in the non-television room, and there are comfy chairs available for sitting with snacks and beverages pretty much everywhere because that’s how I roll. And of course there are foods and beverages for snacking. Because for me holidays mean food, and food is yummy.

Zero planned activities, zero zero formal socializing. Conversation and catching up are cool, just not…required. Quiet parallel play like reading, crafting, surfing the internet via phone or tablet, or watching television–that’s as close as things get to a theme.

The new house give us SO MUCH MOAR SPACE to stretch out! I can’t wait to holiday here.

Friends whose holiday travels bring them past our road less traveled on their way over the river and through the woods are welcome to drop by for a mug of cider (or a beer or wine or a cuppa hot tea) Settle in for awhile or just decompress for a the length of a nosh and a sip. Some years we have several drop-ins, many years it’s just Spouseman & me, but always, it’s simple, and nerdy.  (see below)

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Happy Hibernation season, everyone!