Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is losing whole nights of sleep going over and over social interactions in your head because you can’t process whether a negative comment was friendly joking or brutally condemning.
RSD is never friending anyone on Facebook because you can never know if you’ve already tried and they deleted it because they don’t like you, and the thought of being That Persistent Pest makes you want to curl up and hide forever.
RSD is putting on a good face and knowing when to laugh and minimize even though there is NO SUCH THING as friendly teasing for you. It’s being battered to pieces by casual commentary at parties and then going home to cry and swear you’ll never socialize again.
RSD is ghosting entire groups after any hint of disapproval — whether real or internally-generated/interpreted — because you’re obviously a monster who has nothing good to contribute and everyone else will be happier if you never participate.
RSD is cherishing the rare, patient people who make the effort to pursue relationships strong enough to make the joy of friendly teasing possible. It’s feeling infinite gratitude to those who understand trust is infinitely delicate structure that has to be built and rebuilt, that language matters, that honesty matters.
This is a shout-out to everyone in my life who trys to understand why I can weather open, honest criticism & conflict all day long, but minor remarks, joking judgments, and it-doesn’t-matters can create crushing internal pressure.
This is a love note to all the friends who take the time to be gentle with me in conversation & patient with my need for explicit clarification and framing. You re the best and my appreciation is boundless & endless.
Also I wanted to see if I could write a post in second-person without shriveling up into a ball of self-doubt. Go, me.
Ooo! Also, here are BUTTONS for places to buy my books. (SOON I WILL HAVE A WAY TO BUY THINGS VIA THIS SITE)
The latest “improvements” to the WordPress post editor are mostly a royal PITA, but they did add a bunch of fun toys.